What is what to do when your partner stonewalls you?

When your partner stonewalls you, it can be incredibly frustrating and damaging to the relationship. Here's a breakdown of what you can do:

  • Recognize the Stonewalling: First, identify that stonewalling is actually happening. It involves withdrawal, shutting down, and refusing to engage in conversation. It's different from simply needing a break to cool down. Understanding this distinction is vital for taking appropriate action.

  • Call a Timeout (and Mean It): Acknowledge the situation and suggest a break. This isn't a punishment, but a strategy. Say something like, "I can see we're not communicating well right now. Let's take 20 minutes to calm down and come back to this." Respect the time limit and return to the discussion. This relates to the idea of taking%20a%20break

  • Regulate Your Own Emotions: During the timeout, focus on your own feelings. Practice deep breathing, mindfulness, or any calming technique that works for you. Reacting with anger or defensiveness will only escalate the situation when you reconvene.

  • Approach with Empathy and Understanding: When you return to the conversation, try to approach your partner with empathy. Acknowledge their perspective, even if you don't agree with it. Start by validating their feelings. For example, "I understand you might be feeling overwhelmed right now." This connects to the concept of empathy%20in%20relationships

  • Use "I" Statements: Focus on expressing your own feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Instead of saying "You always shut me down," try "I feel hurt when I'm not able to connect with you during these discussions." This relates to effective%20communication skills.

  • Identify Underlying Issues: Stonewalling often stems from deeper issues like fear of conflict, feeling overwhelmed, or a lack of communication skills. Explore what might be causing your partner to shut down. Could it be stress at work, past trauma, or a fear of vulnerability? Consider addressing%20the%20root%20cause.

  • Seek Professional Help: If stonewalling is a persistent problem, consider couples therapy. A therapist can help you both develop healthier communication patterns and address underlying issues that contribute to the behavior. This might involve couples%20therapy.

  • Set Boundaries: If your partner consistently stonewalls you and refuses to address the issue, it's important to set boundaries. You can communicate that you won't tolerate being stonewalled and that you need a partner who is willing to engage in healthy communication. Establishing healthy relationship%20boundaries is important.

  • Be Patient and Persistent (But Know Your Limits): Changing entrenched communication patterns takes time and effort. Be patient, but also recognize when the situation is not improving and consider what's best for your own well-being.